pixelheartHappy Valentine’s Day, music world! To kick such a special occasion off on a nauseating note, check out this car crash of a song, courtesy of Paris Hilton and your friends here at Coma Collective. We wish you well in celebrating the burden of love as you gorge yourselves with the pressures of consumerist adulation (you can’t tell I’m single, can you?).

Musicians have been singing about love basically since the inception of music. It’s widely understood by the world’s top historians that the first love song ever written echoed from the caves of none other than Homo Erectus Musicus in about 67,483 B.C.E. It was called “Oogh Ugh, Gerburghadug, Habooguh,” which, as you probably already know, roughly translates in modern terms to “Ode to my Beloved Club Smasher, and Thank You for the Trout.” But music has evolved immensely since such artistic and sophisticated millennia, and in these modern times it takes on many forms. Instead of regurgitating the novelty of today’s exploitative marketing, we’re reveling in the joys of single life with some songs celebrating such freedom.

Here’s to not spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on shallow gifts, not battling hordes of other infatuated couples clawing at that 8:00PM reservation, and to enjoying a carefree night of doing whaTEVER THE HELL YOU WANT (which honestly probably involves a lot of Netflix in the dark. I mean, hey, that tub of Dreyer’s vanilla Butterfinger isn’t going to finish itself. Ladies, did I mention I’m single?).

Alkaline Trio – Love Love, Kiss Kiss

Kicking off the list is a personal favorite from my cynical youth.

 

TLC – No Scrubs

Of course, a classic here. Don’t even give your time to anyone who isn’t worth it.

 

Pink – So What

For everyone out there who is doing just fine on their own.

 

Fleetwood Mac – Go Your Own Way

For the freedom to go wherever you damn well please.

 

Justin Timberlake – Cry Me A River

You had your chance, now I’m doing my own thing.

 

OutKast – Roses

For anyone out there who thinks they’re hot stuff, but are actually only dishing out the hot stuff.

 

Weird Al Yankovitc – You Don’t Love Me Anymore

Take a lesson from Al’s humble realization

 

Justin Bieber – Love Yourself

I’m not typically a fan of the Biebs. But this is definitely a respectable sentiment of moving on from a situation that just wasn’t working out.

Wish he would’ve just gone ahead and said “fuck” though.

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